Take the Test
When I think of cat lovers, my husband, Asa, immediately comes to mind. It is no secret in our family that Bubba has won the heart and soul of this man. It has long been a family joke that if the house were on fire, Mom had better fend for herself, 'cause Dad will be rescuing Bubba. The other day I was talking to my daughter, Suzanne, by email. I mentioned to her how her father had always had a soft spot for her. "You might say that you are the human equivalent of Bubba, in his heart." She replied that she always thought she and Bubba had something in common.
If you still have doubts about the distinction between "ownership" and "lovership", here's a short quiz:
Do you save up your cute kitty stories to share with your co-workers?
Do you notice your friends' eyes glazing over when you're in the middle of recounting a fascinating (to you) description of your cat's latest antic?
Do you dip into your plastic to entertain your boss at a fancy restaurant, because he's allergic to cats and you're not about to bring him home?
Do you mortgage your home to entertain your boss at a fancy restaurant because kitty has clawed your silk Queen Anne settee to smithereens and threw up on the antique Persian rug and you can't remove the stains, and you're not about to bring him home?
Have you slipped into the habit of saying, "I'm owned by a cat", rather than the other way around?
When you come home from work, does your cat greet you at the door, and do you cuddle him and carry him around the house, communing and whisperins sweet nothings, before you greet your spouse?
When you only have a scant 1/4 cup of milk left for your breakfast cereal, do you give it to puss and settle for toasted 3-day old bread and an ancient orange in the bottom of your refrigerator?
Have you ever stayed home from work because a beloved feline friend has died, and you know your job performance would be worthless?
Given the choice, would you rather attend a cat show than the invitational premiere of the latest blockbuster movie?
Does you cat sleep between you and your spouse, and do you prefer it that way?
When your kitty brings home a dead mouse or tiny garden snake and drops it at your feet lovingly, do you praise her and say, "Good Kitty!", and make a really big deal about it, then wait until she's asleep to flush the miserable thing down the toilet?
Do you devote a full web site to your feline companion?
If you answered "yes" to all these questions, you have already lost your heart and soul to a four-legged, furry, infuriating but infatuating member of the feline species.
You are truly imprinted as a cat lover and Heaven help you, my friend.
If you answered "yes" to 5-12 questions, you're on your way and there isn't much hope for you.
If you answered "yes to fewer than five, you might want to consider a python or a gerbil for a pet, but not both, PLEASE!
Copyright ©1997 - 2004 Franny Syufy
Licensed to About.com
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